Kelsey Smith carries her daughter Hadley, 2, down the stairs while Colton, 6, aims a bow and arrow as they play on Tuesday, Jan. 9 at their home in Groton. For the past six months Smith has had to be both mom and dad as her husband, Josh, a sonar te…

Kelsey Smith carries her daughter Hadley, 2, down the stairs while Colton, 6, aims a bow and arrow as they play on Tuesday, Jan. 9 at their home in Groton. For the past six months Smith has had to be both mom and dad as her husband, Josh, a sonar technician on the USS Minnesota, is on deployment.

For the families of submarine sailors there is a cycle of life, the tearful goodbyes and the months without contact followed by joyful hellos and a grace period before it all starts again. According to one survey, 40 percent of military families experienced more than six months of family separation in the previous 18 months. For the families left behind hardships associated with submarine deployments are different than for those carrying out missions hundreds of feet below the ocean's surface. We spent six months with families of sailors serving aboard the USS Minnesota as they worked through the affects.


Hailey Carr, who previously worked as a medical assistant, also had a husband on the boat. She figured that after paying for child care, her take-home pay would be minimal, so she chose not to work.

Still, without her husband around, she worries whether she's making the right decisions day to day for her son. Is she being too hard on him? Did she make the right choice about his ear surgery?

"As a mom, I beat myself up all the time about doing the right thing," she said. She worries about filling two sets of shoes, being both mom and dad.

"I know I don't fulfill the dad role the best," she added. "There's things in his life that I can't relate to, like coaching a sport. Everybody else's dad is doing it. I would've helped with baseball, but he didn't want me to. He wants his dad. Video games. He wants his dad."


Colton carries a saw as he walks through trees at Geer Tree Farms as the family picks out a Christmas tree on Friday, Nov. 24, 2017. "Colton, you have to help me out, you're the man here today," Kelsey told her son as they looked for a tree. The kid…

Colton carries a saw as he walks through trees at Geer Tree Farms as the family picks out a Christmas tree on Friday, Nov. 24, 2017. "Colton, you have to help me out, you're the man here today," Kelsey told her son as they looked for a tree. The kids were worried about finding the right one, cutting it down and getting it home without their father.

For the full story, with reporting from Julia Bergman, visit The Day